i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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