PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
