Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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