I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
