there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
