WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
