YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
