she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
