How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
