I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
