look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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