so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
