so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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