It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
