Sry I called you an 8
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
