Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
