Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
