i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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