everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
