Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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