plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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