my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
