Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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