Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
