I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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