dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
