I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
