it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
