im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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