I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
