the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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