hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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