You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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