Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
