I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
