omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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