Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
