If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
