I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
