I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
