dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
