yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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