How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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