I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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