They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
