Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
