K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
