My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
