Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
