He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
