At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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