sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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