ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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