You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
