dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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