why do cheetos always look like penises
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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