I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
