and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
