Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
