Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
