Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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