We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
