i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
