I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
