I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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