I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
