I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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