a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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