I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
