I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
