The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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