My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
