apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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