Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Are we still banned from the library?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
