After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
