Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The beer is more important than you right now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
