He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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